Scared of what's next. I never went through any physical abuse. But the mental abuse was unreal. The things I was told were horrible. The family I've been living with, is nothing but far from normal. I know that they read what I write about in my about me. I know that they're going to see this. But they know it as much as I do. This family I live in is a family that you can't really trust. Sure they love, sure they care, but you can't trust them. They feed off of drama. It's like they're addicted to it. I honestly don't even know how many times the people in this family have taken trips to the mental hospital. It hurts to watch your loved ones go to a mental hospital. To know that they're in that much pain. It happens over and over. Again and Again. Sometimes I wonder why I even care. Do they even try? People are amazed by how strong I've been through all of this.

My dad is now gone.. he hung himself in November of 2006. We were really close. I trusted my dad with all of my heart. One of my greatest fears was losing my dad to suicide. My mom and him were seperated. And the day I was supposed to find out if my dad had ANY kind of custody over me and my sister, was the day my mom sat me and my sister down on the couch and told me he died.. He was the one I always talked to, he was always the one would comfort me, he was always the one constantly worrying about me. He was pretty much the biggest part of my life. And he's gone now. It's been hard to see how I could possibly ever be happy without him in my life, but I have Andrew. My wonderful wonderful boyfriend. We've been together for over a year now, and I truely believe we'll make it til forever. Without him I couldn't be getting through this so well. I'm glad I have someone to love me. To understand me and take care of me. That's all I really need right now.