I suffer from introverted fantasies. Subsequently these fantasies lead to bad decision making. Not those that first jump to mind...addiction, isolation, aloofness, judgments. I drift into mind and find beauty, peace, love, a general sense of well being. When faced with reality, I shut you off...I don't return calls, I make plans and cancel. I fear that in the long run statistics prove you to be a terrible disappointment. In these fantasies I am allowed to enjoy you...but life, environment, society forces me to suppress these desires, creating anxiety, a feeling of butterflies in my little belly. Most days I feel in a hurry...the funny thing being I usually have nowhere of importance to be. I want to believe that as I educate, eliminate, and grow that these fears will slowly dissolve. But reflections of my youth say that the older I grow, the more value I find, resulting in more fear. Fear of losing all that I have learned to appreciate, to enjoy, to believe in the right. I guess this is early adulthood rants on the meaning of life...which sums up my current state. I have yet to discover the full meaning of life, but I seem to get a little closer with each passing day. The most difficult thing at this current time is the process of discovering my passion. I dibble and dabble in everything, but have yet to hear my calling. But you know what they say, "Good things happen over a period of time and great things happen all at once!"